geishadeconstruct | > I just about died

That would be so amazing. >w< I love when people can revel in who they are.

Yeah, too bad like every tattoo I've ever tried to get the ink rejected. :(

Ok so not actually a too bad because otherwise I'd have a zillion tattoos I hated because I have nooooo impulse control. XD

Uah. Frustrating. ;-;

I think I'm going to try the henna or body paint ideas people were talking about. Not ready for anything deeply written in my skin yet. Nothing that in't a scar anyway. Scars always fine. But, I keep thinking... glow in the dark paint in a club could look so amazing?

Yeah I gave up after the second one was like NOPE! :|

Better yet -- blacklight reactive paint. ;D Though if I were to paint anything on my pelvis as per this post, it'd come off before I got to the end of the night point where I'm taking my clothes off, yanno? I mean, between rubbing on the fabric and sweat it'd just be a blur. XP

Blacklight reactive paint! ^v^ Perfect~ But, hahaha, yeah... and, I guess, unless you're taking your clothes off in the club, it wouldn't show anyway, under the normal light ;) Maybe the henna paint is a better idea?

If it wouldn't totally fuck with my outfits I might've worn said paint anyway. Maybe next like, actual rave I go to. Normally I just go clubbing. Toooootally not the same thing.

Idk at this point I might as well just say it once we get to that point. XD

So now, I'm curious what is the difference? *very clueless <.<*

hahaha, I like that idea. Just saying, "Surprise!" And grin.

Oh honey. A club's like, got a totally different atmosphere to begin with, and it's really more about socializing than dancing (though not so much as just like, going to a bar, ugh). I mean, a lot of people go to dance at clubs and whatnot but idk there's just something different about going to an actual rave. I don't do it very often, though. :(

XD Yeah. Though that could actually get me killed in certain circumstances -- definitely at least assaulted. :/ Though I'm not really stupid enough to take anyone who wasn't okay with that home with me anymore.

Ahh... so, rave is more "just being there to dance".

You know, I was thinking lately, it seems in some way like the idea... of being really hyped up, lost in music, just moving yourself and letting it take you... it's similar to ecstatic spiritual rites in other cultures. I wonder, if it is this time's version of one.

Ugh. Yeah. ;-; I guess I thought, if you're confident about it, maybe that would throw off anyone who wanted to hurt you. But, probably not. It's so awful that, just for being born different in a way people can't help... never mind any choice that people make to be different, which should be 100% okay too... people think they have a right to say,you don't belong in this world. It's horrible.

Yeah. It's also about community, but a different type of community? Like, whenever I'm at raves, we're all there for the music and nobody really gives a fuck who you are or what you look like as long as you're enjoying yourself (and usually fucked out of your mind on x drug of choice buuuut 9___9). It's everyone getting together for the experience of the music.

...why the crap don't I go to more of these? Er. Other than the fact that I'm also secretly a catty bitch and like talking shit at people. Shhhh.

Idk. I'm not super spiritual or anything (like you are :] ) but I guess it definitely could be.

I wish I could say confidence fixes it all. I mean, fuck, it's done wonders for me, yeah and I'm not like cowering in the fucking corner but that doesn't mean I haven't taken my fair share of violence and shit (and probably then some) because of the way I present. Fuck knows how many black eyes I got when I was still IDing as a woman because they "thought I was a real girl" and whatever. Whatever the fuck that means. Even being confident I still get verbal abuse thrown at me everyfuckingwhere. Like, cannot walk down the street half the time. Just learned how to give it right back or ignore it. And pick and choose more carefully who I take home at the end of the night. :/

Ela keeps saying I should learn to throw a punch but it's just not something I've ever really been able to do. She's the violent one. I'm just pretty. ;P

Ohhhh, that sounds like so much fun though. Losing yourself and your mind in the music, (and, everything else 6_6). No one judging, as long as you're happy. Sounds so much like being free. ^^

Whatever the fuck that means.

Uuuugh, yes. What it means is, "people I judge to fit into the group 'girl'". And... it's not their business to judge that. It's not anyone's business but your own.

I'm sorry you've had so much trouble... it happens to everyone like this I know. Just, why do people have to care how others live their life. Let people alone, you know?

It seems like such an easy concept to get, doesn't it? :/ And yet, most of my friends who fall under the trans* umbrella have some story or another.

I guess we're just too ~*~threatening~*~ To what I have no fucking idea. I mean, I couldn't hurt someone if I tried.

> I just about died

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