geishadeconstruct: (:: won't you love me? reconstruct me?)
[personal profile] geishadeconstruct
Soooo this was supposed to be a 30 day challenge whatever buuuut the person I stole it from cut out some questions and posted it all at once ad I couldn't find the actual source. And I WAS just gonna do a short 25 day version but then I sat down and answered all the questions all at once, so it seems kinda like, pointless to post them in tiny bits? XD Soo yeah.

1) When did you first realize that the term ‘transgender’ applied to you?

Gawd, I don't even know anymore. I know I knew about it before I ever said anything to anyone, you know, but like, I don't know when I actually learned about it or figured that was me. There wasn't any ~ding! moment or anything, I just kind of realized after awhile that I wasn't a guy. Or like. I don't know, I never really thought of myself as one but that didn't start getting really weird until I went to public school. So, like, middle school, I guess? I still don't think I really ~applied~ it to myself, though. I never used the word when I came out to Ela anyway. She said it first.

I did kinda feel like I lost the label for awhile after I realized I didn't want to be a girl either. Woman, I guess. Girl's usually fine, but....idk whatever not important. Liiiike, I was all "I'm not trans if I don't want to be a girl, I'm one of those fucking freaks that can't make up their minds" you know? Fuck, I'm glad I have Ela in my life, she was all "what the fuck is wrong with that? shut the fuck up" half the time while I was ~angsting~ over it. Kinda snapped me out of it after awhile, like, told me that people weren't going to hate me for it or anything. I guess it helps that I still look like a fucking tranny most of the time. 9___9 So like, people can see that my identity is legit or something. Not that I want to police anyone who doesn't fit that, I just feel like people wouldn't take me as seriously if I dressed like a guy sometimes or something.

2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why?

It's my birth name, haaa! >___> I got lucky. It was pretty easy to just shorten it to Skye anyway, when I was living as a woman. And Skylar's neutral enough for me that I don't feel any burning need to change it.

3) Have you ever been outed?

Yeah. A lot. I was actually outed the first fucking night I went out as Skye when I was sixteen, because Ela didn't have shoes that fit so we had to go get some and woooooow was that clerk a fucking jackass. idk why that's so burned into my memory. I practically had a fucking panic attack in the store and almost didn't go out at all. (.___.) And I ran into classmates sometimes when I went out which was just dkfjlkasdf you know esp as I was totally not out at school. Ela told them I lost a bet with her.

And there were a bunch of other times but I really don't like thinking about those mostly. Given that they were usually followed by violence. Okay, not all of them but most of the ones I remember.

4) How did your family take it when you came out?

Noooot well, ahaha. They already kinda knew I think? My dad always used male pronouns for me even when I was Skye and called me his son and shit, which was kind of funny if we were out somewhere and people thought I was a girl and he got all fucking defensive. Like, its better to have a son who crossdresses than a daughter, dad, really? What the fuck. Anyway. I think they're mostly used to it now -- better be, they see my beautiful face every fucking week for conferences and whatever. My father pretty much ignores it now, because I'm not insisting on she/her anymore so he doesn't have to get angry anytime someone else at a meeting like, actually respects me, you know? And some of them did. It was kinda cool. Most of them were okay with calling my Skye since it was a shortened version of my actual name but they always fucked up the pronouns. And now they don't have to worry about it.

Ela was always super supportive of me, kind of like, overly at first. XDD She gave me her clothes to wear for awhile and like, showed me how to do my nails and shit. I learned makeup from her too, but I kinda taught myself that by watching her do hers. ^__^ And she always used the right pronouns even if I was being a tooootal spaz about them, and like. Made me realize I didn't have to be one or the other in the middle of my weird mid-twenties crisis thing. She's been super fucking awesome the entire time even if sometimes she's not awesome about other stuff.

Sometimes I think Lia liked me better when I was Skye. Because I wore more dresses then. XP

5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community?

I used to be. I still pay attention to it, but when I came out as GQ I kind of uh....dropped off the face of the earth wrt any trans activism/meetups/whatever. Because I was pretty fucking sure they'd just accuse me of being a fake, you know? Like everyone was going to hate me for going back to male pronouns and like, my birth name. I'd always kinda felt like a fake because I didn't mind my body that much but yeah, that kind of solidified that. And when I sort of came out (to Ela -- and I guess the rest of my family since I told them not to worry about the pronouns anymore even if I didn't talk to them about the rest of it) genderqueer wasn't really the ~thing~ is it today so I was all like....pretty convinced everyone would just think of me as a guy again. I still pay attention, and I've gotten more comfortable saying I'm trans* (I like the asterisk :3 now) nowadays than I did when I was younger. but I don't really do anything within the community anymore. Maybe I should, I don't know.

6) Who was the first person you told about being trans?

Ela. If there is one thing she's always done right in the million things she's done wrong, it's being amazing about any of this. She kind of guessed before I said anything anyway.

7) Who do you look up to?

I don't know. I had a lot of role models when I was Skye that I'm not totally into anymore. I kinda have my own thing now and don't need people to look to anymore. Besides, all of mine were like, lol, videogame characters and book characters. (I am a neeeerd XD)

8) How did you deal with being read mis-gendered in the beginning of your transition?

Nooot well. Haha. -___- I never really said anything when it happened and like, just got really quiet and freaked out quietly in my head. Ela usually like, threatened to punch people and whatever for me but mostly I just wanted to kind of fade out of their perception because I didn't want them to think of me like a guy in a dress or something. And like no amount of punching is going to get that idea out of someone's head so I just kinda wanted to around those people anymore. Now I kinda just let it roll off my shoulders cuz it is RARE AS HELL that someone is all "oh, that person's neither" rather than just trying to read me as a transwoman. :/

9) What is something positive about being trans?

This one is just a weird question for me because it's like. I'm trans but it's something I'm used to. It doesn't really fuck with me as much as it does for a lot of people because I'm notlike, physically dysphoric or something. So it's like "what is something positive about being you?" and I'm like "uh, there are a fucking lot of things, like how fucking hot I am?" But even if I wasn't trans, I'd still be a hot as hell bitch you know? So it's not...something specific to being trans.

10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans?

I still worry about whether or not I'm going to get like, killed sometimes. Depending on where I am. But I don't really always feel that safe when I'm going out places, even though it seems like I do, because I KNOW all the shit that trans women go through, and I'm most often read like that and just...yeah, the world's pretty fucked on this stuff.

11) How do you manage dysphoria?

I don't have physical dysphoria. I do, however, have kind of a weird societal dysphoria, in like, I don't like it when people read me a certain way. I don't really like being read as a woman, but it's better than being read as a man. Sometimes this is bad enough that I don't really go out, and it's really awkward at like, Naomi's schools where everyone addresses me in solely male terms despite the way I present and the fact that I've made it very clear that I don't want to be her father to them. She's great about it, but they're not. I don't know, I usually manage it by being avoidant of situations that'll put me in these positions? But in the moment I just, idk, grit my teeth and get through it and then go have my own angry unhappy whatever later. Get really high. Though I mean, with Mimi's teachers I just try extra hard to fuck with their heads, haha, so they don't know HOW to think of me.

12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?

I've transitioned as much as I want to.

13) Bathrooms?

Annoying. I usually go into the women's because it feels safer.

14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?

When I wanted to pass, a looot of it was body language and definitely voice. I didn't talk a lot as Skye unless I was out with friends or something, because it almost always always always outed me to someone until I got really good at pitching it. Even then, because I never did much in the way of hormones and stuff I still have a pretty deep voice, and like. Even when I pitch it it sounds a little fake. Soooo that's a big thing. And body language, I mean, even if I like, had facial hair and whatever and acted the way I did I bet I'd get ma'amed almost as much initially because people reeeeally rely on body language without knowing it. I mean, it'd get corrected right away but it's the initial thing that counts or something.

15) How have you embraced your trans identity?

Mostly via my (immediate) family's help and my friends. The girls in the group I went to before I GQ'd all over the place were awesome at making me feel like this wasn't some freak thing because I was a pervert or something (uuuunlike my dad). And then Ela was good about me coming out AGAIN at her and. Yeah. Mari's been really cool about it too; she was one of the people I cut contact with and when I finally told her to stop calling me Skye after we re-met she was all "ohhh okay? um. whatever" and we stayed friends. Idk I'm pretty comfortable with it now, I mean, I've been living it for like almost thirty years, so.

16) What’s your anthem and why?

Idk, I have a lot of them? XD Leeeet's go with Geisha Deconstruct by Goteki because I like that song a lot. Obviously, haha. >___>

17) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live?

They're not great, but where is?

18) If you’re religious, how do your views affect being trans? If you’re not religious, what about your family’s religious views?

My extended family mostly thinks I'm a freak and unnatural and whatever, but they've kind of given up on the whole thing and just let me do my thing because I do my job. And even if my father is HORRIBLE about it, he at least hasn't fired me (I work for his business), so that's something.

19) Do you want to have children?

I have children. Well, a daughter. I am really not sure I'd ever want anymore because Mimi is a fucking handful enough. Not that I don't love her, but goddamn sometimes she drives me up a wall and she's just one kid.

20) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice?

Nope! Not really. Not anymore, anyway. I was kind of scared about it for awhile, but when I came out and everyone was like "oooookaaaaaaay?" and I didn't lose my job, it was kinda okay. And then I kept that job for like ten more years and by then it wasn't so much a worry anymore, so I'm good.

21) What stereotypes are put on trans people?

Uhm, a lot of them? Like, do you really want a humongous fucking LIST? I mean, really now. I have shit to do than list just all the things I've been called much less what everyone else has to go through. Plus all the things we have to dispel like every fucking day. Nooo thanks. I guess the one that affects me is that whole gender binary bullshit, that trans is just for that and nothing in between.

22) Doctor visits?

Suck. I fucking hate them on so many levels.

23) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans?

If they're ones that are like, specific to my experiences, yeah.

24) What is something you have to do every day or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

Um. I don't know? I don't really have like, a routine. Or days. I mean, I have days but they don't always match up to the calendar days?

25) What goals do you have?

Not tellinnnng~~ ^__^
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geishadeconstruct: (Default)
dead angel

January 2013


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